All he wanted
by Walker'sLampshade
Summary: Krayonder wanted Taz. So can you really blame him for taking the chance when she gave it to him? Even if she was only using him... Christmas Oneshot 3.  if you count it as a Christmas Oneshot.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Taz, or Krayonder, or Taz, or February. Damnit I own no one! Okay?

_A/N:_ Hello to my darling almostlover-hopelessdream. This is for her, as she requested some Taz and Krayonder for a Christmas oneshot. I'm not even sure if this could be counted as a Christmas oneshot…It mentions Christmas once…but I don't care it's getting called a Christmas oneshot.

It's basically ended up like this as there will be a _very_ similar scene between Taz and Krayonder coming up in And they Thought she'd Never Make it. Except, with no kissing and not at all romantic. The original scene actually started from the second paragraph and was basically a conversation between Krayonder and Taz in her bedroom. But then I got very tempted and accidentally started putting really big Taz and Krayonder hints in there and I suddenly went 'nope, I'm turning this into that Taz and Krayonder story that she wanted.' So I did.

Okay, that was a long rant… Anyway! Christmas oneshot 3. Any requests, please state. Tah. Enjoy…

**Song: **All I want for Christmas is You- Mariah Carey  
><em>I won't ask for much this Christmas, I don't even wish for snow <em>  
><em>I'm just gonna keep on waiting, underneath the mistletoe<em>

* * *

><p>No. Taz was not crying. Nor was she lay on her bed, curled up under the covers, her arms clinging to the pillow and her face shoved into the soft canvas pillowcase as she sobbed like a baby. Taz didn't do that. She wouldn't.<p>

Taz was also wouldn't allow herself to admit the truth that all of the above was a total lie. It's hard to lie to yourself when you're lying about something you're doing at that very moment in time. To be quite honest, it's impossible, but it was the only way that Taz was able to deal with it.

The reason for her current tears? Up.

Wasn't it always?

They'd had another argument, as they so often did. It had been about their relationship, as it so often was. Neither of the pair really knew what was going on between them, where they were going. They'd kissed in the past, they'd kissed tonight, but every time they kissed nothing ever happened after. It was like the next time they saw each other the kiss was just erased from the other person's mind and was never spoken of again. They never progressed forwards, and only ever stayed in this place between friendship and love.

It was irritating for them both. Up more than Taz, it seemed. Taz could only presume that Up was surer of what he wanted than she was. She didn't know. And that, more than their actual argument, was what she crying about. Her lack of answer for the questions he asked: Do you even like me? Are we actually ever going to go anywhere with this? Was there someone else?

Well, there was _him_. If you could even count _him_.

Krayonder stood outside Taz's door, debating whether or not he should enter. He knew she would need someone right now, after that huge argument with Up at the G.L.E.E Christmas Party, and February had been very keen for him to be the one to comfort her. Probably because he was the only one that knew Taz's passcode, as Taz had never changed it from when Up had told it to him all the way back on Bug Planet. Krayonder couldn't hear any noise from the other side of the door, and he didn't know whether Taz would be able to deal with him right now. She was angry, and he didn't want to end up the brunt of her anger.

But he was going to go in anyway. He knew he was.

There was no other option in Krayonder's mind. It was no longer a question of whether he would enter the room, only a question of what would happen when he did. He pushed the buttons into the panel, watching as the door opened silently, the entrance appearing only to be darkness. Krayonder frowned and made his way into the room, the door closing behind him and leaving him enveloped completely into the shadows.

There was a dim light coming from beneath a door ahead of him, and Krayonder headed towards it, glad that he didn't need to fumble around in the dark like an idiot. He'd only be found out, resulting in immediate death by Taz.

"Taz?" Krayonder whispered into the wooden door that he could only assume was her bedroom.

Moments before there had been sounds of muffled noises that Krayonder couldn't quite make out coming from the other side of the door, but they faded into silence as soon as he uttered Taz's name. There was large amount of shuffling, closely followed by a loud bang and a Spanish curse. Krayonder pushed open the door gently, keeping his eyes angled to the floor for a second; for fear that Taz might be appropriately dressed. Having found her like that a few months earlier, Krayonder knew that no wrath was worse.

There was no noise and no reaction from his entrance and after a second Krayonder looked up, his eyes focusing on the bed in the centre of the room.  
>Taz was sat, her legs crossed and her arms folded, in the middle of her bed. She was wearing the outfit she had been for the Christmas party, nothing fancy, but nothing that made her look less than beautiful. Her mouth was pulled into a harsh purse and her dark eyes narrowed even further as he looked at her, her irises shining with anger. Krayonder, as always, was stunned for half a second at the sight of her and the gormless look on his face made her glare even more. The lightest of blushes dusted his cheeks and she looked down, her glare now focused solely on her bed sheets.<p>

"What do jou want, Krayonder?" she growled, her gaze never leaving the bed.

Krayonder swallowed. "I just wanted to see if you were okay- I mean- you were all angry and stu...hey, man-" Taz glanced up at him. His voice and suddenly turned very quiet and as she looked at him she could see the concern that was glowing in his soft brown eyes. She diverted her gaze quickly. "-Have you been...have you been crying?"

Tears filled Taz's eyes but she hid them with a vicious glare in Krayonder's direction. "No! _Estúpido__ idiota_! I don't cry!" The last word gave her away, her 'y' catching in her throat and coming out like a choked sob. Taz cursed in Spanish and spun herself round to face the wall.

He was by her side in a second and all she wanted to do was run away. Taz tucked herself into a ball, not wanting him to see that tears that were running silently down her face. She did not cry. She never cried. And for anyone bar Up, that was how it was to remain.  
>Krayonder stood awkwardly beside the bed, unsure what to do as Taz sat turning away from him and hiding her face. He ran his hand through his hair; trying to come up with some kind of solution as to how he could comfort her. He couldn't just stand there and do nothing. He took a deep breath and sat down beside her on the bed.<p>

"What the fuck are jou doing, Krayonder?" Taz demanded, sending him a glare out of the corner of her eye.

Krayonder gulped, unsure how to do this. "Um...I want to help you, man."

"Don't call me 'man,'" Taz said irritably. She buried her head lowered into her arms and tightened the ball that she had cocooned herself in. Krayonder shuffled further onto the bed, lifting his hand and hovering it above Taz's form for a second as he tried to gain the courage he needed. _Pull__ yourself__ together,__ dude_. He lowered his hand and placed it gently against Taz's shoulder.

Taz looked at him, and their eyes locked.

"I want to help you…Taz."

For a second Krayonder thought that he'd gone to far. Taz stared at him, and Krayonder felt her eyes boring into his and he was almost certain that she was about to hit him. Then she turned away from his gaze and returned to her curled up position.

"You can't help me, _idiota_," she said coldly. She shook his hand off her shoulder. "Go away."

"…No."

Krayonder was seriously beginning to think that he had some kind of death wish as her eyes flickered to him again, the anger burning him like a flame. What had he put himself into?

"Go. Away." Taz repeated, her voice dangerous. Krayonder couldn't bring himself to leave her. She sniffed slightly. "Please…?" Her voice cracked and she turned away from him again, staying perfectly still and hoping he'd just go away if she didn't move and didn't make any kind of sound for a while. He didn't.

There was a silence that seemed to consume everything and make the cooped up tension in the room clench tighter with every ragged breath either person took. Krayonder didn't make a sound as he moved, Taz wouldn't even had known that he had done if it wasn't for his sudden presence right next to her, his breath less than a centimetre away from her ear. Her heart sped up.

"I'm not leaving you," Krayonder murmured into her ear. His voice was nervous and jittery. She wasn't surprised. She'd never done anything but hurt him.

But yet he never made any attempt to do anything but help her…

Krayonder raised his hand and Taz felt it on her shoulder again. Without even thinking about it, without even realising what she was doing or consciously thinking over the consequences, she leaned back onto him.

Krayonder seemed shocked for a second and jerked back slightly, almost throwing them both onto the floor. She glanced at him and instantly regretted it. Her eyes were open now, she wasn't hiding anything. He could see everything that she was feeling, not just what she wanted him to see. She diverted her gaze. As she did, Krayonder moved slowly, nervously, as he pulled her back into again. She went with his arms willingly. She'd given up trying to look strong.

Taz curled up in his arms, and Krayonder could feel his heart speeding up. He knew that she could too from where her head was resting on his chest, and he tried to control it. It didn't work. Their breathing rhythms mangled together and as she breathed, Krayonder could feel his frantic, uneven breath slowing down to match the pace of hers. She looked up at him and immediately his breath hitched and he could barely even count the next few seconds as breathing at all.

"Why do jou want to help me?" she asked. Her eyes were questioning, but not angry. She wanted the truth, and for once Krayonder actually believed the promise in her eyes that she wasn't going to hurt him for it.

"Because…" He didn't know how to explain it. Taz raised an eyebrow at him and he swallowed, taking the deepest breath he could. "Look, I may be an idiot, ma-Taz-" He gritted his teeth at his own stupidity before repeated. "I may be an idiot, and I may be really, really bad at this, and I know that you hate me and that I'm a wuss, and a freak, and you always want to kill me…but I couldn't leave you…I-" Krayonder broke off very suddenly and Taz tilted her down, giving him a curious look. "Yeah, uh, I couldn't leave you." Krayonder looked away.

Taz shifted in his arms. "Why not?" her voice was scarily close to him as he turned to look at her he barely managed to stop himself from falling off the bed as he saw right in front of her face. He swore that she should have been able to hear his heart; it was pounding in his chest and gradually travelling up in his throat the longer Taz's eyes were locked onto his.

"Uh…" He felt like jelly. His head was spinning in Taz. She looked golden in the dim light of the bedside table. She was shimmering, the smoothness of her dark skin radiating this impossibly perfect shade of bronze that matched the tiniest of her golden hairs reflecting in the light. Krayonder gulped.

Taz lips curled up at the edges in the tiniest of tiny smirks. "Jou really are a wuss aren't you," she muttered. She grabbed the neck of his shirt and pulled her towards him, her lips pressed against his for half a second, the pressure so light, their lips barley even brushing against each other before she leaned back.

Electricity shot through both their bodies.

Then Krayonder's mouth was on hers again. His arms were wrapped around her waist, pulling her as close as he possibly could. Taz shifted her weight, straddling his legs and leaning down until she'd successfully backed Krayonder against the wall.

Her hands trailed up and tangled into his hair as he deepened the kiss, his hands around her waist and pulling her towards him until every part of their bodies were pressed together.

The uncontrollable need to be as close together as possible outweighed any need either of them had for anything. Even breathing.

When the pair finally broke away from each other- their breathing hard and ragged- neither one made any attempt to escape from the others embrace. They stayed, centimetres away from each other. Their hands held each other in place and neither person loosened their grip, despite knowing that no more space would come between them if they did.

"Taz." Krayonder's voice was quiet and soft. His heart was filled with confusion and bewilderment. Why was she doing this?

Various conclusions appeared in his head. She might just be lonely, after the argument with Up. Or, maybe she was taking advantage of him, using him to make Up jealous.

Krayonder wasn't sure he even cared which one it was. He wanted her, and he could have her, even if it was only for one night and was most probably going to lead to heartbreak. He lifted his hand from her waist and traced her jaw, his fingers barely brushing against her skin. She sighed and leaned into the touch, closing her eyes.

Yeah, Krayonder most definitely didn't care.

His hand cupped her jaw and he leaned in, kissing her again. A long, lingering kiss that sent made Taz's hands tightened slightly in his hair and Krayonder's heart pound.

"Jou ready to tell me why you couldn't leave me yet?" Taz breathed into Krayonder's ear.

Krayonder kissed her jaw line. "Am I allowed to say no?" he mumbled against her skin. Taz tried not to be too distracted by his hands that were trailing up her top, his hands exploring her skin in a way that made her head spin. His hands skimmed along her body, learning every subtle curve and imperfection. All the while his lips were exploring her jaw line and the start of her neck.

Taz's lips were so close to Krayonder's ear that he could barely hear anything bar her breathing. "No," she whispered and as she said it she ground her top row of teeth over the other and Krayonder tensed slightly. Her teeth traced the cartilage at the top of his ear.

Krayonder pulled away immediately, stopping her from getting any closer to biting his ear and instead catching her lips with his. Taz smirked against his lips, pulling him closer, one hand on the back of his neck and one in his hair.

They kissed for what felt like forever, their legs and arms entangling each other in a complicated mix that would be almost impossible to get out of but that neither participant would really want to. Taz grip on Krayonder's hair was unbelievably tight but Krayonder didn't care. He didn't want to let her go either. His mind was swirling, and he could no longer think straight. All he could think of was Taz. Taz and her wild, fiery personality and feral beauty that many people would be too scared to admit. Her tongue clashed against his fiercely and he groaned, for lack of other way of expressing how he felt. She smiled again and tugged at his hair, clenching her fists into the roots and pushing herself further into him.

"I love you," Krayonder growled against her lips.

It took a few seconds for Krayonder to work out what he'd just said, and when he did he froze, unable to comprehend what was now going to happen. Was she going to send him away now? She didn't really want this like he did, he knew. He wanted her forever, but one night would suffice. He didn't know if he'd blown that now.

Taz pulled back at the same time that he froze, her eyes huge. "Krayonder?"

"Oh dead-god, Taz. I'm sorry! I shouldn't have said that!" Krayonder sat up properly, his head in his hands. His voice was panicky and fast as he attempted to get from under Taz's weight. He had to make an escape before she got angry with him. He stood up. She frowned and rolled off the bed after him. "I didn't- I shouldn't- Oh dead-god, I am an idiot! I'll just go. We'll never talk of this again and, like, I'll call you man and it'll all go back to norm-"

Krayonder was broken off as Taz's lips pressed softly against his. Her hand was on his chest, softly pulling him back towards her and backing him against the wall beside her bed, ruining all his chances of escape. Krayonder was dazed. She couldn't seriously be horrible enough to use him even when she knew he loved her. Surely.

Taz pulled away from him and locked her eyes onto his.

"What? Why? I…I don't understand. I…you…uh…" Taz gave him a look and he trailed off into silence.

She brushed her lips against his lips for half a second. "I love jou too."

Krayonder's heart leapt, but it hurt at the same time. It was a lie.

"Don't Taz," he pleaded. "I know what's going on. I don't care. I want you more than anything, and to have you just for tonight is enough for me."

He expected Taz to give in, to admit what she was doing, and maybe even give him an explanation. Nothing came. He looked up at her and found that she was staring at him with a pained expression on her face. He opened his mouth to say something but she beat him to it.

"Jou think I'm using jou?" she asked. Her voice was quiet, pain echoing through her words as she spoke.

Krayonder gulped. "Taz, I don't mind, okay. I know I'll never be good enough for you. I'm an idiot, I'm a wuss, I'm useless- OW, FUCK!"

"SHUT UP!" Taz screamed, slapping his arm again. She glared at him, her eyes filled with tears. What was it with men and stupidity? Actually, no. What was with Krayonder and stupidity? Didn't he understand anything?

"WHY. DON'T. JOU. FREAKING. GET. IT." She slapped him on the arm between every word. "_JOU_ARE THE REASON WHY ME AND UP ARE GOING NOWHERE! YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!"

She kissed him angrily, dragging him towards her by the collar of his shirt. The kiss was short and angry, setting every nerve in Krayonder's body on fire before Taz shoved him backwards against the wall and pinned her arms on either side of him.

She tilted her head, the anger fading from her eyes and being replaced by desperation. "And actually, I do love jou," she said, swallowing slightly.

Krayonder believed her. He wasn't sure if he should, but the look in her dark eyes as she stared at him, pleading with him to believe he, it told him that he could. He took her hands into his slowly, lacing their fingers together without breaking eye contact. He leaned down and kissed her gently.

"Okay," he whispered, half a centimetre away from her lips. "That's that sorted then."

_A/N:_I was running out of ideas and general inspiration at the end, so…Sorry.


End file.
